Ever felt like you just couldn’t take it anymore? Like you’ve actually had the proverbial straw thrown on you…the straw that broke the camel’s back? I have. Sometimes I’ve camped out there.
I have Fibromyalgia, migraines, tendonitis, tarsal tunnel syndrome and osteoarthritis in my hands and knees. The scoliosis that pinches a nerve making part of my upper back numb, upper and lower bulging discs, sciatica, and the osteoarthritis and degeneration in my lower back create such 24/7 debilitating pin that it’s difficult if not impossible many days to do simple things. Like I couldn’t wash my hands. I had to wash my hand, one hand at a time as I had to use the other hand to brace myself. Couldn’t bend to pick a piece of paper off the floor. One friend describes me as a young person in an old lady’s body.
For as long as I can remember, there have been some kind of joint…back…pain issues. They’ve just gotten progressively worse over the years. And for the naysayers who say it is because my faith isn’t strong enough, oh, I have faith. Trust me, God is my all and all. He is the reason I am able to do any and every thing that my body allows me to accomplish. He IS my rock! It is my faith that has kept me here on this earth.
I have prayed and prayed and continue to pray, for healing. There are prayer partners who also faithfully pray – some even daily – yet God hasn’t taken it away. I get so tired of it all. Just ready for it to be over. And where I’m so thankful for His grace, a cloud of discouragement hangs over my head. It’s day after day after day of the same old pain.
Where is the healing? Does God even have plans for it to end? I know I can’t control the future so I don’t worry about it. I just don’t like what I see on the horizon. I know God loves me. I know He knows what’s best. However, that best isn’t pleasant right now, and there is no end in sight.
I shared with my dear friend, Jan, that I was at the point to throw in the towel. And since she knew my struggles, I expected her to join my pity party. Her response “Yes, a month of good health would be abnormal” took me by surprise. But, she was right. Actually just a week of good health would be abnormal.
When I shared what Jan said with another prayer partner the next day, she responded with “…I will pray specifically for a good day that can turn into a good week. That is a starting place. One good day full of joy and good health…” That set me to thinking. Nancy hit the nail on the head…ONE day! I just needed focus for one day. That was it.
Because of the Lord’s great Love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22, 23 – NIV
I realized I was living like my old way of cooking. I always made spaghetti sauce with a pound of ground beef…a whole pound of meat…just for me. So you know what that meant. I was eating spaghetti for the rest of the week; reheating the same food. When it was all gone or it went bad, I’d cook something else. Roast a chicken…again, a whole chicken…just for me. Then it would be leftovers all over again! I got so tired of eating.
But then one Christmas, my parents gave me a vacuum sealer. Aha! That gave me a way to keep my food fresh. So I started cooking different meals all at the same time, and then I’d divide them into lunch-sized containers, vacuum seal them, and plop them in the freezer. No more leftovers. I had fresh food for each meal. And I even had choices. I could select what I had a taste for instead of being stuck with the same food day after day. Who needs Lean Cuisine – not me!
When my focus was day “after” day, it was like using yesterday’s leftovers. “After” means focusing on the whole – from the beginning to end. Well, my beginning was pain and there wasn’t an end in sight. And since it was the same thing, 24/7 debilitating pain, day after day, I was acting like God had given me this big pot of grace and day after day I had to scoop out enough grace to make it.
When I use the word “by” it means I’m keeping myself in the present. It’s day by day. Same food, but when vacuum sealed, it’s fresh. So when I trust Him for the present, one day at a time, then I can see His grace for that day. Same grace, but new. And it’s not only new, but God’s grace is specific for what He knows I will face on that particular day. I can’t live off leftover grace. It just doesn’t exist.
Yesterday is gone and there’s no leftover grace to ration. Tomorrow hasn’t come so God hasn’t given me the grace for what I don’t need. God gives His grace, just what I need, day “by” day.
So that means that I seek His grace day “by” day vs. day “after” day. It’s just one little word, but that one word makes a world of difference. I can’t control my physical pain. but I do have control over my emotional pain even though they are so entertwined. Today may not be a better day…there’s still that same old pain…but it can be a brighter day. I just need to live in the present, focusing on one day, just today.
How’s your focus? They say if you do something for 21 days it becomes a habit. I challenged myself a couple years ago to make the conscious choice to replace the natural day “after” day mentality to living day “by” day. What a difference it made! I bet it can make a difference for you too.
FROM THE ROLLER COASTER 